As kids we want to grow up, be independent, get our own apartment but there are many things we aren’t told as children about “adult life“. Here are some confessions from people from all walks of life telling their stories of ‘adult life’.
Joshua Otusanya
Marriage Is A Business Transaction – The older and closer you get toward marriage, the more you realize that marriage is a lot more than just love. You need to find someone that can manage money well and that you can trust financially. More and more people these days are drafting prenups before getting married.
Expect A Lot Of Change- You will change significantly as a person and so will your friends. As a result you will naturally fall out of sync with some people you’ve known for years. As your worldview expands your ideas on topics such as religion, politics, and lifestyle will change as well.
You Become Less “Hip’ – I’m only 23 and I’ve already started to feel the effects of this. I went to a party once where most people weren’t older than 20. At the party everyone was doing the latest dance craze that I had absolutely no clue about. They were all in college and are more connected with these trends. I felt like an old 23 year old 🙁
Partying Gets Boring – You start to notice that drinking and partying is a repetitive process and find it less appealing with age. You also notice that you can’t drink like you used to when you were younger.
You Notice Life Long Friends – After years of meeting people and losing touch with others you start to notice who is really there for you. This is because as time goes by they are the same people that are still in your life.
Nothing Matters – Prior to adult life everyone is literally directing you toward where the next step is and insisting on how crucial it is. Getting through high school, getting into college, landing internships, applying for jobs, etc. When you get to a point where you are completely on your own and make your own decisions, life slows down. You realize that life is more than your accomplishments and that the most important thing is your happiness.
You’re Better At Life – The older you get the wiser you become. You are able to use your previous decisions to allow you to make more and more successful decisions moving forward. Prior to adult life you do more guessing and experimentation which will be your source of wisdom later down the road.
Erick Diaz
1 ) It’s easy for your life to be hijacked.
Whether it’s working jobs you don’t want to live in an apartment you can barely afford. Going out to bars with co-workers you’re not that fond of. Or continuously hanging out with a random mix of friends because they’re all you have left. Don’t force yourself to live a certain lifestyle because you want to “keep up” with everyone else. Make things easy on yourself and lead a life that serves you. Not people’s expectations of you.
2 ) It can be incredibly lonely.
I love my alone time as much as the next guy but damn I’ve gone weeks without sitting down and just relaxing with someone. I have a roommate but he’s gone a lot and after graduation most of my friends went their separate ways. Seeing their posts on social media can actually make it worse since it makes me reminisce about their company and the good times we had. You learn to combat those feelings by finding company elsewhere. Books, podcasts, TV shows etc.
3 ) You won’t miss being in school.
At both my high school and college graduation ceremonies, a bunch of my friends were crying. I was not. I did enjoy the process of going to school and learning but sitting there in my cap and gown all I could think was “Would I want to do another year of this?” and the answer was no. The freedom of an open schedule and not having to worry about credits, homework, deadlines etc will take a huge burden off your mental psyche.
4 ) You will get TONS of propositions.
-I’ve been offered drugs in an Uber, romantic escapades in a bathroom, temp jobs via email, health insurance, credit cards, memberships to services, subscriptions to products etc. Be smart about the choices you make because some may seem good in the short term, but are terrible long term investments.
5 ) Your friends “grow up” faster than you.
-They’ll score an internship first.
-Find a full time job first.
-Get married first.
–Move into a house first.
-Have kids first.
Your job when these things happen is a simple one: Be happy for them but stick to your own timeline.
There are some things in life you can’t rush. By convincing yourself you have things that aren’t there (true love, stability, maturity) you will force things to happen that you aren’t quite ready for.
Long story short: Don’t take the chicken out of the oven too soon. You’ll make everyone at the table sick, including yourself.
Niklas Göke
- When you were 1 year old, you thought trying to touch everything you could get your tiny hands on was a good idea. Whatever would happen next, it sure would be amazing.
- When you were 2 years old, you first learned to speak. You used that ability to be brutally honest. When you wanted mom, you said “Maaa!” and when you wanted dad you said “Dada!”
- When you were 3 years old, you yelled in the grocery store that you wanted the cereal in the red box. And you didn’t give a damn what anyone walking by thought about it.
- When you were 4 years old, you built the best Lego or Barbie house in the world. You were your own biggest fan, and you meant it.
- When you were 5 years old, you fell off your bike while learning to ride it. But you got up and tried again. You laughed failure in the face.
- When you were 6 years old, you began to understand the complexity of human relationships. Making friends in 1st grade isn’t easy.
- When you were 7 years old, you had your first crush. Maybe you even talked to him or her once during break. Warm feelings, fuzzy feelings. Relationships get reallycomplicated now.
- When you were 8 years old, you were first told you would have to do better on the next test, or you wouldn’t do well in life. You believed it.
- When you were 9 years old, you realized to be cool you had to have the right kind of shoes. Maybe you even convinced your parents to spend $100 on a pair of sneakers and for a few seconds, you were “in.”
- When you were 10 years old, you really had to start thinking about your future. What level of school to go to next? Will you be smart enough for the best kind?
- When you were 11 years old, you got picked last for the soccer team. And it hurt. So the next time, you flunked practice.
- When you were 12 years old, you lied to your parents about the broken window, the fight with your friend, the way you really feel. You just had to deal with it yourself, you thought.
- When you were 13 years old, your favorite singer or band or actor was the coolest person in the world. If you could be like them, your life would be amazing. Could you? You spent a lot of time wondering.
- When you were 14 years old, you doubted your ability to excel at school and get that college degree everyone tells you is so important. What’s the point of all this?
- When you were 15 years old, you learned that the world was unfair. He doesn’t text back. She doesn’t call. The teacher doesn’t care. Your parents don’t understand. Why does no one want you to get what you want?
- When you were 16 years old, you realized things cost money and it doesn’t grow on trees. What are you supposed to do later to make enough of it? Lots of it?
- When you were 17 years old, you desperately wanted to figure out which of the boxes you might fit in. Accounting? English literature? Car sales? Which one could it be?
- When you were 18 years old, you understood that none of the boxes would really fit, but that you had to pick one. Lots of complaining ensued.
- Look at that list. Pause for a second and you’ll see: You knew everything you needed to know about life when you were 5 years old.
Imagine we’d stopped there and held on to who we were. Not intellectually, but in terms of our attitudes and perspectives with which we approach the world.
Everything you did back then, the way you navigated life at 5 years old…
…it all still works.
In fact, it’s the only thing that works. Look at all the things we struggle for as adults: money, fame, meaning, freedom, happiness.
The only way to find them is to go through life…
- …with limitless imagination and the optimism that those visions will come true.
- …as honestly as you possibly can, with yourself and everyone else.
- …without caring for even a single second about what other people think.
- …being your own biggest fan and believer in yourself.
- …disregardful of failure, regardless how many times it happens.
You have done all of this before. A long time ago.
William Beteet
- You Will be Afraid of Looking Needy But Still Want to be Loved – So much of adult life is trying to get opportunities/dates without looking needy or desperate. The thing to remember is that you can’t control other people’s perception of you, if you need to look needy to get an opportunity, do it.
- You Will Still Want to be Treated Like a Child – You will want to be able to call someone and have them tell you that everything is going to be ok. Someone that will get you a gift and make an effort to feel special.
- You Have No Purpose – You have no purpose beyond keeping yourself alive long enough to procreate, and that should be a relief. Rather than spending your life looking for your purpose, find something you enjoy that you are kind of good at and pursue that goal with intensity. Life is about living with purpose not finding your purpose.
- That Fulfillment is a Lie – You will never complete a task so big that you will never feel the urge to create again. You should strive to do something everyday that makes you feel fulfilled.
- You Won’t Know What You’re Doing – If you are pursuing your dreams or really striving, there will be many points that you don’t know what you are doing and that’s ok. Much of life is filled with uncertainty, as human’s we were made to deal with such situations so trust yourself, and keep moving forward.
- You Will Always Feel Like Things Could Fall Apart at Any Moment – Much of adult life is spent thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong. Although many of these things could happen, a lot of them won’t.
- If You Don’t Strive to Keep Up With Friends, You Won’t Have Any – The older you get, the harder it is to make friends. So cherish the one’s you have, and if you don’t have any. Force yourself into friend groups, even though it might feel awkward, it will be better in the long run.
- It’s Really Competitive to Get the Life You Want – Want to marry a beautiful woman, and have a great job, well you have to beat out thousands of people for both of those things, and now with technology, you have to beat out people from all over the world.
- You Might Die Young – So really enjoy this life thing while it last.
Nelson Wang
My second start up had just completely failed. I had come home on a Saturday night at midnight and there was a letter on my kitchen counter.
It was from a law firm threatening to sue my company.
It felt like someone kicked me in my stomach. It was one of the worst feelings in the world.
In the last 31 years of living, I wish there were a few key lessons someone taught me as I was growing up as a kid.
Here are the 10 things I felt like nobody told me about adult life:
1. The most valuable currency in the world is time
Money is valuable. Time is even more valuable.
Time is finite. Once you spend it, you cannot earn it back.
Utilize money to help you find more time.
Time with your friends, family and loved ones.
One of my family friends spent most of his life saving every single penny that he could so that he could finally live his dream life.
One day, he was involved in a car crash. He didn’t survive.
Appreciate the time that you have now.
2. Sometimes only you can help yourself
Having a great support system of friends and family is absolutely critical to your well being and success. Invest your energy and time with the people that love and support you and make you happy.
Also recognize, that sometimes only you can pull yourself out of the darkness.
When my second start up failed, I remember feeling absolutely terrible one night as I laid in bed looking at the ceiling. I felt like I had failed as a person. Eventually, over time, I realized that I couldn’t keep moping around. So I got out of bed and went for a run. I began to read books (like “Zen and Inner Peace”) to help clear my mind. And eventually, I convinced myself that I would give it another try.
And guess what? It worked. I’m on my third start up now (CEO Lifestyle) and hit 1,500 subscribers in just 3 months.
3. Empathy is the key to connecting with people
Once, my sister called me to talk about a tough situation. I didn’t have an answer to the problem, so I said, “What do you want me to do about it?”
And she said, “Nothing, I just want you to listen to me, that’s all.”
That’s some of the best advice she’s ever given to me.
Most of the time, we don’t have a clue as to what the right answer is. And that’s okay. What’s more important is that you understand the other’s person’s perspective and feelings. That’s how you connect with people.
Learn to deeply empathize. It’ll make you a better person.
4. You really don’t need that pizza slice at 2 AM
Put it down. Now. Your body will thank you 5 years from now.
Wait, is it a BBQ chicken pizza? Okay, maybe just one bite…
5. Drinking is overrated
When I was younger, I used to get so excited to meet with friends to drink during the weekend.
Work is over, time for happy hour!
And then I realized, it’s actually not as fun as I thought. Sure, it’s great to bond over these experiences but are the experiences actually that great?
When I drank, I began to realize that it’s (obviously) harder to remember conversations, sometimes the person you’re speaking to isn’t even coherent and ultimately it doesn’t end up feeling like quality time. To top it off, there are the hangovers.
Do I still have a drink socially every now and then? Sure, but it’s really rare now for me.
I love having a sober, fun, witty, genuine conversation with someone and being able to remember it perfectly weeks later.
That feels like a real connection to me.
Think about it this way, if people are only having fun with you when drinking is involved, do they really like you for who you are?
6. Your career success is heavily tied to the value you provide – I get people asking me to review their resumes pretty often. Which is funny, because I wrote a book called “The Resume is Dead.”
Anyway, one person asked me to take a look. So I did.
And what I saw on his resume is something I see all the time.
A lot of people write out the responsibilities of their work in their job experience.
Very few people write out the results.
Sure, you might have created a new product line at the company, but why does that matter?
Always remember to show the value of your work. This is very often tied to the success of your career.
I bet you want some specific examples, don’t you? Okay, I’ll give you one:
Example #1: Created a new mobile app for Company XYZ.
Example #2: Created a new mobile app that increased customer acquisition by 3X and increased customer satisfaction by 75% for Company XYZ.
Which one is more compelling to you? Thought so.
7. Love is a broad spectrum – Love is a commitment. Love is being there for someone when things go south. Love is making adjustments and compromising.
Love is realizing that it’s not just about you. It’s mutual. It’s about helping each other discover happiness.
Sometimes love means letting go.
Love is a broad spectrum. Explore it and define what it means to you.
8. You can lead, with or without a title – Companies put titles in place so that people feel like they are progressing in their career.
What most people don’t realize is that you can lead, with or without a title.
“I have this great idea but I’m not in a position of power to make it happen!” said almost everyone I’ve ever met.
Learn to be articulate. Learn to be persuasive. Learn to sell ideas effectively. Learn to get buy in from stakeholders.
The title doesn’t do that for you. You do that by stepping up your skills.
Stop worrying about the title. Start leading.
The title will come naturally.
9. Most paths aren’t linear – What works for someone else may not work for you. Every single one of us is unique after all.
When I was in college, I saw a lot of friends go into finance. That sounded like a great idea! I could make a lot of money right after college in investment banking, have a stable career and live the American dream.
One problem: I was terrible at finance. I even failed an introductory economics course.
It was clear I sucked at it.
So I thought about what my skill sets were.
I’m passionate (Think “Tony Robbins“). I work hard. I love talking with people. And I want to help others.
So I went into sales. I never would have guessed this is the career I would have gone into. Most of my friends became doctors, lawyers and financial analysts.
But that’s the thing. We’re all different. And I had my own path to take.
Your path in life will be different from others. Learn to embrace it.
10. You are in control – Don’t want to work a 9 to 5 job? Study people who have created lifestyle businesses and start one of your own.
Don’t want to be out of shape anymore? Follow the P90X workout and get a Nutribullet and get in the best shape of your life.
You’re the CEO of your own life. Start making decisions that drive the vision you’ve always dreamed of.
Get started. Now. Because it’s never too late to live an epic life.